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Ditch the New Years Resolution to lose weight!
Lose your negative body image instead!
By Stacey Nye, Ph.D.
Body image, how we feel about our appearance, is a state of mind. That means that what we see
when we look in the mirror is not necessarily an accurate, objective reflection of reality.
We see our whole lives reflected back to us-every compliment or critique, every trauma, or even every failed grade on a test. So, like a fun house mirror, our reflection is vulnerable to distortion. We may focus on our flaws, like our fat thighs, and not notice any of our good features. Or, we may exaggerate certain features, so that they appear even larger or more grotesque than they actually are. We may even be horrified to discover that our appearance changes dramatically from day to day, as if we gained 10 lbs overnight.
Body image distortion is when you don’t see yourself accurately, like an 85 lb anorexic thinking
that she’s fat. Body image dissatisfaction is simply not being happy with your appearance. A recent Psychology Today survey of 4000 people (86% of which were women) reported that more than half the
women were dissatisfied with their overall appearance. In fact, 24% of those women admitted that they would sacrifice more than 3 years of their life to achieve their weight goals!
With the epidemic increase in dangerous eating behaviors, it looks like some of those people might get their wish.
So, let’s talk about how to change your body image, instead of your body. These are much more
productive New Year’s resolutions when compared to counting “points”.
- 1. Develop criteria for self esteem that go beyond appearance, such as relationships, academic or business
successes, or hobbies.
- 2. Cultivate the ability to appreciate how your body functions, not just how it looks. Engage in activities that bring you in touch how your body feels.
- 3. Engage in behaviors that make you feel good about yourself, ie exercise, massage, and buying nice clothes
that fit. Stop weighing yourself and get rid of your scale if you have one.
- 4. Reduce exposure to negative media images.
Research shows that looking at pictures of emaciated fashion models results in lowered self esteem among girls and women. Look for magazines with more realistic images, such as Mode, Radiance, and Girl. Reject the destructive social prescription to be thin.
- 5. Exercise for strength, fitness and health, not just weight control. This is an extension of # 2.
- 6. Seek out others who respect and care about your body.
If your partner is critical of your body, consider a new partner rather than a new body.
- 7. Identify and change habitual negative thought about your body. No matter what you look like, no one
deserves a poor body image. Start giving equal time to positive self talk.
- 8. Decode more complicated messages about your body.
“Fat” is not a feeling. So, next time you catch yourself saying “I feel fat”, try to replace the word fat with a real feeling. You might be surprised at what you discover-maybe even a feeling or issue that you can actually
resolve!
- 9. Expand your definition of beauty.
Think of all the fat people you know who are attractive, and all the thin people who are not. What are the elements that contribute to this? Most typically, something about their personality and/or presentation that makes them appealing or not. Consider this, if you walk into a room with your eyes downcast, your shoulder slumped, your arms wrapped around yourself like a suit of armor, and baggy, messy clothes, no one will find you attractive. However, if you walk in with your head held high, your shoulders back, a smile on your face and a stunning, fitted suit, you’ll knock ‘em dead, no matter what your weight. If not, you’re hanging out with the wrong people (see # 6).
- 10. Control what you can, forget about what you can’t.
I wish I could sing like Barbra Streisand, but I can’t. Should I avoid kareoke bars? Well, maybe, but I don’t. It’s not worth the time, effort and negative energy devoted to an unrealistic goal. Redirect that energy into something positive and productive in your life. As John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens when you’re making other plans”.
- 11. If you’re stuck, seek professional help.
Your inability to let go of an unrealistic fantasy may be a sign of more serious issues, such as an eating disorder, depression or low self esteem.
Look for Dr. Nye’s workshop, Life Without Dieting,
coming soon at the Jewish Community Center.
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